Children who have been adopted often feel a sense of loss that shows it self in different ways at different points in their lives. The full emotional impact of that loss comes to children when they are capable of understanding more about the concept of being adopted. It sometimes helps to think back to your child's life and death questions during the preschool years and introduce the subject yourself. This tells the child that you are interested in talking about the subject and that you are aware of their getting older and more mature in their thinking.

You can help your children work through their loss if you can be nondefensive about their adoption as well as sensitive to what they want to discuss. Do not place unnecessary emphasis on the adoption because it might make your child uncomfortable. However, if facts and feelings about adoption are not discussed at all, your child's fantasies about their backgrounds may be acted out unconsciously, causing them to carry out their unconscious self-identification as an unworthy person.